I have been thinking a lot about 2018 over the last few months. Specifically about my goals in all of my aspects of life. Last night I found out that I did not make it through to the next round for the Sundance Institute Lab where I submitted my webseries “This Is The Motherhood”. Sure I was disappointed. Though I wasn’t really upset. I actually don’t have much of a fear of failure. I never have. I am not ashamed or scared at all to try for something and to put myself out there. To ask for what I want. I am not afraid of “no” because I know that I don’t want things that are not meant for me. If I am not a fit, I am okay with that because I am confident that I fit somewhere and it is perfect for me.
What is weird though is that I have been struggling with getting increasingly anxious about hearing back from them. It is so different for me to feel this way. Logically I know that I could create this webseries in my sleep and execute it well never needing the Sundance Institute’s help, but something I have realized is that for a very long time I have just done things on my own and not worried about collaboration. Sure I have collaborated on individual projects and been on teams, but when it comes to things that are my babies? I don’t give up any control. This is the first time that I am really asking for someone else to validate my project. It was absolutely terrifying!
This year I am changing direction. In that past I have really enjoyed working with other amazing bloggers on various projects, but I need to return to my roots in film. I have grown to love blogging though and writing about motherhood here has become a safe space. I chose the word “Actualize” as my word for 2018. It was hard to find just one word for a number of reasons, but at the end of the day it is obvious to me that it is time to quit dreaming and excusing and start doing. I have a few different things coming around in 2018. I hope you all stick around to take the ride with me.
Do you have a word of the year? What is it? Why is this the year that word matters most?
I decided to go with Focus this year. Last year it was all about being fearless and taking on challenges that were new or scary. This year I’m taking that energy and focusing it on creating more things.